(240)-343-2585

1.                  Give an example of a conflict that is built on the assumption of incompatible goals.

 

2.                  Why do goals shift or adjust during conflict?

 

3.                  Give an example of a topic goal at work and an example of a topic goal at home. Describe how each of these might be hiding a relational goal.

 

4.                  Why is it important in conflict that each person clarify goals?

 

5.                  List three examples of process goals.

 

6.                  In what sense can transactive goals be productive? Destructive?

 

7.                  Why might a person perform a “goal shift”? Give an example of a positive goal shift and a negative goal shift. 

 

8.                  Describe what you believe the book is saying about power.

 

9.                  Using your definition, how would a person be “empowered” at work and at home?

 

10.              By writing brief conversations, give three examples of how people can deny power.

 

11.              Relational theory says that power is the product of the relationship rather than a quality of an individual. In other words, power must be granted. Do you agree or disagree? Why?

 

12.              What are power currencies and how do they operate? Do the currencies listed in your book guarantee power in your workplace? Home? Why or why not?

 

13.            Give an example of someone using passive-aggressive power in the workplace.

 

14.              Describe the role of metacommunication in conflict and power balancing.



Interpersonal
Conflict

Tenth Edition

Joyce L. Hocker

William W. Wilmot

Interpersonal
Conflict

Tenth Edition

INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT, TENTH EDITION

Published by McGraw-Hill Education, 2 Penn Plaza, New York, NY 10121. Copyright © 2018 by McGraw-Hill

Education. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. Previous editions © 2014, 2011, and

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Some ancillaries, including electronic and print components, may not be available to customers outside the

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This book is printed on acid-free paper.

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ISBN 978-0-07-352394-1

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All credits appearing on page or at the end of the book are considered to be an extension of the copyright page.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Hocker, Joyce L., author. | Wilmot, William W., author.

Title: Interpersonal conflict / Joyce L. Hocker, William W. Wilmot.

Description: Tenth edition. | New York, NY : McGraw-Hill Education, [2017]

Identifiers: LCCN 2017007884 | ISBN 9780073523941 (alk. paper)

Subjects: LCSH: Interpersonal conflict. | Conflict (Psychology)

Classification: LCC HM1121 .W56 2017 | DDC 303.6/9—dc23 LC record available

at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017007884

The Internet addresses listed in the text were accurate at the time of publication. The inclusion of a website does

not indicate an endorsement by the authors or McGraw-Hill Education, and McGraw-Hill Education does not

guarantee the accuracy of the information presented at these sites.

mheducation.com/highered

With great appreciation

for the life and scholarship

of

William W. Wilmot

1943–2013

Brief Contents
Preface xv

Acknowledgments xvii

Part ONE Conflict Components 1

Chapter 1 The Nature of Conflict 2

Chapter 2 Perspectives on Conflict 38

Chapter 3 Interests and Goals 76

Chapter 4 Power: The Structure of Conflict 109

Chapter 5 Conflict Styles 152

Chapter 6 Emotions in Conflict 195

Part TWO Special Applications 229

Chapter 7 Analyzing Conflicts 230

Chapter 8 Interpersonal Negotiation 257

Chapter 9 Third-Party Intervention 289

Chapter 10 The Practice of Forgiveness and
Reconciliation 317

References 362

Name Index 383

Subject Index 389

Contents
Preface xv

Acknowledgments xvii

Part ONE Conflict Components 1

Chapter 1 The Nature of Conflict 2

Interpersonal Conflict Depends on Interpersonal Communication . 2

Conflict Defined . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2

An Expressed Struggle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3

Interdependence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5

Perceived Incompatible Goals. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7

Perceived Scarce Resources. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

Interference. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9

Why Study Conflict? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

Family Relationships . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

Love Relationships . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12

The Workplace . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13

The Importance of Skill Development. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15

Preventing Destructive Conflict . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20

Understanding Destructive Conflict . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21

The Four Horsemen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22

More Examples of Destructive Habits . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30

Escalatory Spirals . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30

Avoidance Spirals . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33

Your Opportunities . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35

Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36

Key Terms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37

Review Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37

Chapter 2 Perspectives on Conflict 38

Your Personal History . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38

More Reflections on Your Specific History. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39

Your Worldview Affects How You Think and Feel

About Conflict . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43

Negative Views of Conflict . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44

Positive Views of Conflict . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47

Insights from Metaphors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49

Metaphors Reflecting Danger . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50

Listen and Learn from Metaphors. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60

Narratives Frame Conflict. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60

x Contents

How Do You Perceive Specific Conflict? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62

Don’t Believe What You See—At First . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63

Identify Your Filters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64

Gender Biases. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67

Cultural Perspectives . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 70

Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 74

Key Terms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 75

Review Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 75

Chapter 3 Interests and Goals 76

Types of Goals: TRIP . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 77

Topic Goals: What Do We Want? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 78

Relational Goals: Who Are We to Each Other? . . . . . . . . . . . . 80

Identity, or Face-Saving, Goals: Who Am I in This Interaction? 84

Process Goals: What Communication Process Will Be Used? 89

The Overlapping Nature of TRIP Goals. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 90

Goals Change in Interaction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 96

Prospective Goals. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 97

Transactive Goals . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98

Retrospective Goals . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101

Goal Clarity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 102

Clarify Your Goals . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 102

Estimate the Other’s Goals . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 104

Collaborative Goals . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 105

Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 107

Key Terms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 108

Review Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 108

Chapter 4 Power: The Structure of Conflict 109

Power Defined . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 109

Personal Orientations to Power . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 110

Power Denial . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 112

A Relational Theory of Power . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 114

Bases of Power. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 118

Resource Control . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 120

Interpersonal Linkages . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 121

Communication Skills . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 121

Expertise . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 123

Power in Distressed Systems . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 125

Assessing Your Relational Power . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 127

Contents xi

Balancing Power Constructively. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 131

High Power . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 135

Low Power . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 137

Metacommunication . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 147

Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 150

Key Terms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 150

Review Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 151

Chapter 5 Conflict Styles 152

The Nature of Styles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 152

Assessing Your Styles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 153

Will You Avoid or Engage? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 156

Avoidance. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 158

Avoidance and Culture. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 160

The Avoid/Criticize Loop . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 161

Avoidant Communication Strategies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 162

Dominating. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 163

Threats . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 165

Destructive Domination . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 168

Verbal Aggressiveness and Verbal Abuse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 169

Compromise . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 171

Obliging . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 173

Integrating . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 175

Cautions about Styles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 180

Beyond Styles: Violence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 183

Patterns of Violence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 185

Explanations for Violence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 186

Interaction Dynamics. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 187

Flexibility Creates Constructive Conflict. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 190

Being Stuck . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 190

Are You Stuck? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 191

Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 193

Key Terms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 193

Review Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 194

Chapter 6 Emotions in Conflict 195

Introducing Emotion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 195

You Can’t Ignore Emotions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 197

Misconceptions of Emotion in Conflict . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 198

How Does Emotion Function in Conflict?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 199

xii Contents

A Model of Emotions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 200

Core Concerns: Organizing Positive Emotions . . . . . . . . . . . 202

Finding Feelings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 203

Functions of Negative Emotions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 206

Shame, Guilt, and Regret . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 213

Functions of Positive Emotions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 214

The Mid-Range: Zone of Effectiveness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 216

Mindfulness: Thinking About Feelings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 217

Personal Responsibility for Emotional Transformation . . . . . . . . 225

Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 226

Key Terms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 226

Review Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 227

Part TWO Special Applications 229

Chapter 7 Analyzing Conflicts 230

Macro-Level Analysis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 231

Systems Theory . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 231

Complex Conflict Patterns. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 235

Micro-level analysis of Conflict Systems. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 239

Interaction Rules . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 248

Microevents. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 249

Comprehensive Guides . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 252

Conflict Assessment Guide . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 252

Difficult Conversations Guide. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 255

Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 256

Key Terms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 256

Review Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 256

Chapter 8 Interpersonal Negotiation 257

Negotiation in Everyday Life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 257

Negotiation and Culture . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 260

Constructive Argumentation: Test Ideas, Not People . . . . . . . . . . 262

Approaches to Negotiation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 264

Competitive Negotiation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 265

Assumptions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 265

Communication Patterns in Competitive Negotiation . . . . . . 267

Disadvantages of Competitive Negotiation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 269

Integrative Negotiation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 270

Assumptions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 272

Contents xiii

Seven Elements of Principled Negotiation. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 272

What Makes Implementing the Core Concerns So Difficult?. 275

Balancing Power . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 276

Concern for the Relationship: Self and Other . . . . . . . . . . . . 276

Coaching for Integrative Negotiators: Putting It into Practice . 277

Disadvantages of Integrative Bargaining . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 282

The Language of Integration. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 283

Competitive and Integrative Phases . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 286

Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 287

Key Terms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 288

Review Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 288

Chapter 9 Third-Party Intervention 289

The Need for Third Parties . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 289

Advantages of Using Skilled Third Parties . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 290

Informal Help . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 291

Conditions for Helping . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 291

Cautions about Informal Intervention . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 293

Formal Intervention . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 294

The Intervention Continuum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 294

When the Parties Decide . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 295

When an Outsider Decides . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 311

Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 315

Key Terms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 315

Review Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 316

Chapter 10 The Practice of Forgiveness

and Reconciliation 317

Forgiveness and Reconciliation in the Context of Interpersonal

Conflict. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 317

Some Definitions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 317

What’s to Forgive? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 318

Some Misconceptions about Forgiveness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 322

When There Is an Imbalance of Power . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 324

The Matter of Memory . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 327

Decision or Process? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 329

How Process May Lead to Decision. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 330

Getting Stuck: Eddies in the River . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 335

The Personal and Interpersonal Dimensions of Forgiveness . . . . 336

Implied Forgiveness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 338

Gestures . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 338

Communicating Forgiveness Directly . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 339

The Value and Limits of Apology . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 341

xiv Contents

Final Thoughts on Apology . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 345

Switching the Point of View: Receiving Forgiveness

and Forgiving Oneself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 346

Reconciliation: A Late Stage in the Journey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 348

Insights from History, Politics, and Literature . . . . . . . . . . . . 349

The Strand of Truth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 349

The Strand of Forbearance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 351

The Strand of Empathy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 352

Commitment to the Relationship out of Awareness

of Our Interdependence. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .353

The Tie That Binds: A Multicultural Example from Hawaii . . . . 355

Conclusion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 357

Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 358

Key Terms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 359

Review Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 360

References 362

Name Index 383

Subject Index 389

Contents xv

Preface
Revising this, the tenth of edition of Interpersonal Conflict, brought me the opportunity to

reflect on how the field has changed since I first began to research the field for my disserta-

tion at the University of Texas in 1973. Since our first edition in 1978, conflict resolution

has transformed into many subfields: peacemaking, third-party intervention, prevention of

conflict, and the integration of personal transformation with interpersonal communication

choices. This edition reflects many of the recent changes in the field.

All chapters reflect recent research on interpersonal conflict. As has been our practice,

I have removed earlier citations that are so foundational that they need not be specifically

cited. All chapters have been revised and in some cases, reorganized and rewritten for read-

ability and clarity. New additions of “How would this sound?” give examples of dialogue

the students may use to enlarge their conflict communication. Clearer organization and

subheadings guide the reader through the text. The book still contains the 10 chapters in

the same order.

Chapter One, “The Nature of Conflict,” retains the resilient definition of conflict that

has gained acceptance and use for more than three decades. This definition is now where

it belongs, at the beginning of the chapter. Added emphasis on transforming the elements

of conflict, with a special focus on perception, reflects the trend in the wider field to view

elements as capable of transformation. The chapter includes activities on intrapersonal

conflict, introducing the student to self-reflection as a basic first step. Examples and cases

referring to same-sex relationships are added throughout. The chapter presents a persua-

sive case for studying conflict.

Chapter Two, “Perspectives on Conflict,” retains the popular section on worldviews

that influence one’s approach to conflict. The metaphors of conflict section retains the

simplified approach, organizing metaphors around danger and opportunity, used in the last

edition. A new section on how narratives frame conflict has been added, with an extensive

case study that illustrates the approach. The previous “lens view” of conflict has been

removed, since it was redundant with new material on perception.

Chapter Three, “Interests and Goals,” retains the popular teaching tool of the TRIP

acronym (Topic, Relationship, Identity, and Process goals), which helps students analyze

layers of any conflict. Several cases are extended to further exemplify the changing nature

of goals.

Chapter Four, “Power: The Structure of Conflict,” is extensively reorganized, rewrit-

ten, and clarified. All sections relating to high and low power and how to deal with imbal-

ances have been reorganized. Many older citations are removed. A new definition of

interpersonal power is presented, which focuses on influence. The shifting nature of power

is emphasized (power depends on changing relationship dynamics). The power bases sec-

tion has been updated. Some cases have been expanded and made more challenging. The

section on bullying, including cyberbullying, has been revised and expanded. A new class-

room activity on bullying and sexual assault has been added.

Chapter Five, “Conflict Styles,” retains the popular Rahim styles assessment, with

needed corrections in scoring, thus making the section accurate and useful. The section on

verbal aggressiveness and verbal abuse is expanded, and placed in the “dominating” section.

Integrating or collaborating is presented as the default style of choice, toward which the

xvi Preface

teaching in this book is oriented. Violence is presented not as a kind of style, but as an

approach that always leads to negative outcomes (along with bullying and verbal violence).

References to violence scales are included in this edition.

Chapter Six, “Emotions in Conflict,” benefits greatly from a surge of research

and writing about the place of emotion in conflict resolution. New class activities that

will guide students in the analysis of their emotional life have been added. While most

researchers agree that no emotion is, in and of itself, positive or negative, the research

literature continues to designate emotions in this way; the chapter reflects language in

the research. A new “feeling words” inventory, simpler and more applied to conflict reso-

lution, has been added. Humiliation is added as a separate, powerful emotion, tied to

the experience of bullying. Material on how emotions transform as the conflict becomes

more integrative is added. Mindfulness is presented as a necessary part of the transforma-

tion of conflict.

Chapter Seven, “Analyzing Conflicts,” has been reorganized into macro-level analy-

sis and micro-level analysis, which simplifies the approaches. The Comprehensive Guide,

which assists students in writing a major conflict analysis paper, is updated to reflect

changes in the book.

Chapter Eight, “Interpersonal Negotiation,” includes new research on gender, culture,

and negotiation. While all the approaches to negotiation covered before are still covered,

the perspective of the chapter now clearly guides students toward integrative negotiation

in most situations. Integrative negotiation uses all the communication theory upon which

most of the book rests.

Chapter Nine, “Third-Party Intervention,” presents current writing on communica-

tion coaching in an expanded manner. Coaching is presented as a part of many different

kinds of third-party intervention, ideally suited for the student of communication. Updates

on gender and third-party intervention have been added. The approaches to third-party

intervention are presented as they actually occur in the workplace—dynamic and changing

forms of interpersonal conflict resolution.

Chapter Ten, “Forgiveness and Reconciliation,” written by Gary Hawk at the authors’

request five editions back, is updated with new, current cases dealing with sexual violence,

trauma, social media, and racial bias. Gary has added a section on cautions when there

is an imbalance of power. He has rewritten and retained the popular section on apology,

pointing the reader toward examples of excellent apologies.

I welcome your comments, both from students and adopters of this book. Your

responses help guide my choices for the future. I will respond to every comment. You may

reach me at [email protected] or [email protected] Best wishes as you begin

or continue the journey of discovery about interpersonal conflict and the promotion of

peaceful relationships.

Joyce L. Hocker,

Fall, 2016

Missoula, Montana

Preface xvii

Acknowledgments

To the reader from Joyce Hocker

What a privilege to be working on this tenth edition of a project I began in the early seven-

ties. These days, in semi-retirement, I teach peace and conflict resolution in the Lifelong

Learning Institute at the University of Montana, and at the Red Willow Learning Center, a

nonprofit devoted to serving the needs of trauma survivors and those who serve these cli-

ents. I continue to find a sense of purpose as we work together for greater skill in creating

peaceful relationships.

The tenth edition is the first revision without my longtime colleague Bill Wilmot, who

died in the summer of 2013. His work pervades this book; I missed his wit and perspective

as I revised the chapters. I appreciate all his contributions to this project over the years.

My husband, Gary Hawk, not only revised his excellent chapter on forgiveness and

reconciliation, but he also supported me through the summer as I worked in our home

each day. He helped me move into a large, lovely study affording a view of whitetail

deer, birds, Ponderosa pines, mountain ash trees, and the peaceful rock garden he main-

tains in our backyard. He warmly encouraged me through the whole process. Our cat,

Lonestar, maintained his practice of walking on the keyboard and letting me know when

it was time to pay attention to him. Keegan Olson, a graduate student in Communication

Studies at the University of Montana, served as my research assistant. He found just the

right research updates for each chapter. I outlined what I hoped to find each week, and

he perceived accurately what would be helpful and sent the citations to me. Additionally,